A pan was bubbling over the grease-caked stove in Lauretta's shed.
Lauretta was out in the woods with her favourite "walking buddies".
These were Lauretta's rod of severed heads and the left foot of a tramp she had devoured one fine Tuesday morning.
The rod of severed heads consisted of two human male heads, a rat head, a moose head, a mongoose head and a dog head.
One of the human heads had been stitched back together, as it had been split in two straight down the middle.
The head had been split whilst it was still attached to the body.
But that's another story.
Lauretta was thinking of returning home, as it was getting dark and she had forgotten her torch.
She heard some rustling in the bushes.
She made her way towards a clearing when she stumbled across a man and a much older woman having sex in the undergrowth.
Lauretta watched for a while, hoping that she could take the woman's place.
Suddenly the woman screamed and Lauretta, unprepared for such a delightful treat, backed away.
The man stood up and looked shocked.
"D'ya like ma heads?" asked Lauretta, beckoning the rod of severed heads towards the man.
In shock and disgust the man grabbed his jeans off the floor, and ran hard and fast away from the scene.
The woman screamed uncontrollably.
"There, there" said Lauretta sroking her head.
"Ppp-ppp-please don't ... huhhhhuurt me..." begged the woman.
Lauretta gave the woman the rat's head. "Eat up - is gooooood"...
The woman juggled the head and rapidly changed from looking at Lauretta and looking at the head and back again.
After looking up and down about a dozen times, she looked up to see that Lauretta had vanished!
Little would the woman know how close she had come to being brutally murdered.
Lauretta had headed back homewards.
She reached her shed just has night fell.
Shaking her head, she looked at the rod of severed heads.
"Naughty ratty. Why did you leave me?"
She lifted the lid off the pan which was now boiling over.
"There you go. On the rod" she hissed as she placed a kitten's head on the table.
Before severing it around the neck with the bottom of the rod.
"Good kitty. Say hello you your new friends."
Suddenly there was an enormous crash from the front door.
Lauretta turned round to see a man standing there in the darkness.
"Y-yyy-yyyou gotta ... gottta ... hellllp us..."
It was the man who had ran away previously.
Stepping into the vague candle light Lauretta playfully suggested "Come on in lovely man hunk. It is time for tea."
The man was stunned and routed to the spot.
He wanted to scream but was too scared to make a sound.
Moving forward, Lauretta squeezed the man's testicles through the front of his jeans.
With a swift motion Lauretta buried a drill into his right ear and applied pressure and the power.
The man gave out a horrible scream for about 5 seconds before silence fell.
Lauretta stood at the doorway with his tongue in her hand and a drill draped in blood.
The man slumped just inside the shed.
"Dinner is served" muttered Lauretta before slamming the door shut.
From outside the shed, crunching and snapping sounds could be heard...
05/07/2008
03/07/2008
Fragments of Desire
Lauretta stands in front of his wrecked shed.
His face filled with glee, he looks down at the brown paper bag in his hand.
He unties the string to open up the bag and spreads the contents out into the brown paper.
"Greeeeeeee" squeals Lauretta as he plays with the contents.
With his stubby fingers he strokes around a chewed human ear through a slick of dog poo.
Entering into the shed he places the package onto the table.
Lauretta disappears into another room and emerges through the gloom wearing a floral summer dress.
"Rub the l-l-l-l-l-lotion..." stutters Lauretta; clearly excited she reaches for the pooey ear.
With the ear now stuck to his forehead, Lauretta charges out of the shed and into the woods, shouting with joy.
He dances amongst the undergrowth in floral summer dress with a poo-covered ear stuck to his head.
"Maybe it's Maybelline" sings Lauretta repeatedly as dress is torn, ear is squashed and armpits are ripped.
A terrified spider scurried toward the safety of rock, only to be collected "num num tea" slobbers Lauretta.
It was in the summer of 1987 when Loretta changed his name to Neil Shuttlebottomtopoff-head.
He'd felt the heat for some time; the authorities had become suspicious to his goings on.
It was in the fall of 1986 when things had got out of hand.
Whilst in a drug store in Kansas city, he had attempted to remove the pubic hair from an elderly lady who had been purchasing a bottle of Timotei shampoo.
When the elderly lady had voiced her decent he made wild passionate love to her arm pit, impregnating her with his bitter seed.
When the shop security had arrived to find him writhing on top of her squealing "it's for the best for both of us - don't hate me; embrace me, Gene" the security gaurd had been so aroused that his ball bag had released its clasp from his pubis and had fallen down his trouser legs and rolled out onto the floor; inches away from Lauretta's discharging face.
On seeing the security guards balls bobbing about on the concrete, Lauretta tore his eyes from his head, stuffed them into Gene's mouth as she let out a blood-curdling scream for one final time, and stuck the discarded testicles into his eye sockets and screamed "ma ma I can see again".
The police arrive at the scene within moments of the incident happening; but Laureta had already moved on; enjoying her new found testicular supersight.
Watching the world go by through his rose-tinted ballsack eyes, Lauretta waited for his next victim.
He removed his fist from the open wound that was his pet kitten's head, and leaps from out of the bushes.
A young girl, stood at a bus stop on the other side of the road, screams at the hideous sight of Lauretta in full flow.
For a start he has forgotten to get dressed (again) and his deformed shape is there for all the world to behold.
The bald man sat on a bench in front of the bushes didnt have a chance.
First lauretta stuffed the remaining kitty parts bottom first through the bald man's left eyeball.
With the deft skill of a highly trained surgeon, Lauretta then pulled the kitty's remaining leg stump through the bald man's right nipple.
The bald man slumped to the floor in a tangled kitty mess.
Much to Lauretta's delaight the baldman also pooped himself as his bald skull hit the floor and split into 3 sizeable chunks.
Lauretta collected the chunks and stuffed them into a bag made out of a goat's lung, stitched with ligaments of his long dead half-sister Raymond.
His face filled with glee, he looks down at the brown paper bag in his hand.
He unties the string to open up the bag and spreads the contents out into the brown paper.
"Greeeeeeee" squeals Lauretta as he plays with the contents.
With his stubby fingers he strokes around a chewed human ear through a slick of dog poo.
Entering into the shed he places the package onto the table.
Lauretta disappears into another room and emerges through the gloom wearing a floral summer dress.
"Rub the l-l-l-l-l-lotion..." stutters Lauretta; clearly excited she reaches for the pooey ear.
With the ear now stuck to his forehead, Lauretta charges out of the shed and into the woods, shouting with joy.
He dances amongst the undergrowth in floral summer dress with a poo-covered ear stuck to his head.
"Maybe it's Maybelline" sings Lauretta repeatedly as dress is torn, ear is squashed and armpits are ripped.
A terrified spider scurried toward the safety of rock, only to be collected "num num tea" slobbers Lauretta.
It was in the summer of 1987 when Loretta changed his name to Neil Shuttlebottomtopoff-head.
He'd felt the heat for some time; the authorities had become suspicious to his goings on.
It was in the fall of 1986 when things had got out of hand.
Whilst in a drug store in Kansas city, he had attempted to remove the pubic hair from an elderly lady who had been purchasing a bottle of Timotei shampoo.
When the elderly lady had voiced her decent he made wild passionate love to her arm pit, impregnating her with his bitter seed.
When the shop security had arrived to find him writhing on top of her squealing "it's for the best for both of us - don't hate me; embrace me, Gene" the security gaurd had been so aroused that his ball bag had released its clasp from his pubis and had fallen down his trouser legs and rolled out onto the floor; inches away from Lauretta's discharging face.
On seeing the security guards balls bobbing about on the concrete, Lauretta tore his eyes from his head, stuffed them into Gene's mouth as she let out a blood-curdling scream for one final time, and stuck the discarded testicles into his eye sockets and screamed "ma ma I can see again".
The police arrive at the scene within moments of the incident happening; but Laureta had already moved on; enjoying her new found testicular supersight.
Watching the world go by through his rose-tinted ballsack eyes, Lauretta waited for his next victim.
He removed his fist from the open wound that was his pet kitten's head, and leaps from out of the bushes.
A young girl, stood at a bus stop on the other side of the road, screams at the hideous sight of Lauretta in full flow.
For a start he has forgotten to get dressed (again) and his deformed shape is there for all the world to behold.
The bald man sat on a bench in front of the bushes didnt have a chance.
First lauretta stuffed the remaining kitty parts bottom first through the bald man's left eyeball.
With the deft skill of a highly trained surgeon, Lauretta then pulled the kitty's remaining leg stump through the bald man's right nipple.
The bald man slumped to the floor in a tangled kitty mess.
Much to Lauretta's delaight the baldman also pooped himself as his bald skull hit the floor and split into 3 sizeable chunks.
Lauretta collected the chunks and stuffed them into a bag made out of a goat's lung, stitched with ligaments of his long dead half-sister Raymond.
02/07/2008
Shed Head
Walking through the foilage, Lauretta waded her way to her home.
At this point in time she was living in a smallish wooden shed in the woods not far from where she was raised.
In her left hand she clutched a cleaver which was stained with blood and faeces.
Reaching the door Lauretta giggled with glee as she removed a clutch of fresh human testicles and eyeballs from her coat.
She deposited them in a bin outside the shed before unlocking the front door.
Lauretta hissed towards a stray dog that had been sniffing around the bin hoping for a macabre meal.
Soon afterwards, the dog was dead - its throat had been slit.
Lauretta dragged the straggly dog corpse into the shed.
"Ooooooohhhh - saucy man dog!" giggled Lauretta.
She disappeared into a shadowy part of the shed and emerged naked.
Taking a hacksaw off the tool rack, Lauretta set about cutting the dogs head from its body.
Blood sprayed across Lauretta's naked man chest and she groaned with excitement.
Once the final ligaments were severed, Lauretta kissed the decapitated dog head's lips.
Placing the head on a table, the dog was strapped up in a standing position.
Lauretta penetrated the male dog from behind, grunting and shouting wildly as she came violently into the dog with her man penis.
"I FUCKING LIKE IT ROBOTWANKPASTRY" shouted Lauretta, as she thought about the collection of eyeballs and testes she had in waiting.
From a makeshift oven, Lauretta pulled out a pitta bread.
Delicately she placed a testicle and an eyeball from the outside bin into the centre of the bread.
Lauretta then stuffed the eyeball/testicle pitta into the severed dogs head and bit into the bleeding stump.
"You're my bitch now" hissed Lauretta towards the still rigidly strapped dog corpse as she devoured the dog's head/eyeball testicle pitta combo...
At this point in time she was living in a smallish wooden shed in the woods not far from where she was raised.
In her left hand she clutched a cleaver which was stained with blood and faeces.
Reaching the door Lauretta giggled with glee as she removed a clutch of fresh human testicles and eyeballs from her coat.
She deposited them in a bin outside the shed before unlocking the front door.
Lauretta hissed towards a stray dog that had been sniffing around the bin hoping for a macabre meal.
Soon afterwards, the dog was dead - its throat had been slit.
Lauretta dragged the straggly dog corpse into the shed.
"Ooooooohhhh - saucy man dog!" giggled Lauretta.
She disappeared into a shadowy part of the shed and emerged naked.
Taking a hacksaw off the tool rack, Lauretta set about cutting the dogs head from its body.
Blood sprayed across Lauretta's naked man chest and she groaned with excitement.
Once the final ligaments were severed, Lauretta kissed the decapitated dog head's lips.
Placing the head on a table, the dog was strapped up in a standing position.
Lauretta penetrated the male dog from behind, grunting and shouting wildly as she came violently into the dog with her man penis.
"I FUCKING LIKE IT ROBOTWANKPASTRY" shouted Lauretta, as she thought about the collection of eyeballs and testes she had in waiting.
From a makeshift oven, Lauretta pulled out a pitta bread.
Delicately she placed a testicle and an eyeball from the outside bin into the centre of the bread.
Lauretta then stuffed the eyeball/testicle pitta into the severed dogs head and bit into the bleeding stump.
"You're my bitch now" hissed Lauretta towards the still rigidly strapped dog corpse as she devoured the dog's head/eyeball testicle pitta combo...
Closing Time Snacks
On a cold rainy night, Edmund Sandwich walked home alone.
Having consumed many ales in his local, he slightly staggered in the vague direction of home.
Passing the park, he had thoughts of taking the shortcut.
Although this would only take a few minutes off his journey.
But in his inebriated state he couldn't find the entrance gate.
He thought about climbing the railings for a second, then moved onwards down the road.
The rain was becoming heavier now.
Walking towards a bus shelter, Edmund waved to a lone female figure sitting on the bench in the shelter.
The figure waved back.
"No buses at this time of night, love." said Edmund seeing long golden locks under the hood of her coat.
The woman remained silent however.
"Are you alright?" pondered Edmund, yet still no response from the woman.
Gesturing "forget it" Edmund walked on homewards, his house was in view.
Walking in through the front door, he was greeted by his wife.
"What fucking time do you call this, you bastard?"
"Oh fuck off - I'm going to bed."
Edmund walked up the stairs and into the dark master bedroom.
Vague thoughts of masturbation came into his mind, when he heard a groan coming from the direction of the wardrobe.
Opening the wardrobe door he was confronted with a strangely recogniseable figure - it was the woman from the bus stop!
"I've just cum, big boy. Emptied me jewels in your shoe." groaned the woman.
In shock, Edmund stood back.
The fear he felt stopped him from saying anything.
Two seconds later the woman was chuckling with glee, as Edmund limply slumped to the floor.
The woman turned on the light and looked towards the Edmund's body on the floor, next to the bed.
A large kitchen knife protruded from the right eye.
A small pool of blood was forming around the head.
The woman removed her hood.
It was Lauretta!
Lauretta moved quickly to remove Edmund's shoes.
Pulling garden shears out of her coat, she neatly clipped off Edmund's toes.
Placing them in a small bag weaved from pigs bladder and human ligaments, she removed the knife from the eye.
"Now for the balls" chortled Lauretta, cutting through trousers and underwear.
Lopping off Edmunds testicles in a tearing motion she wrapped them around her head with a smile as wide as the Atlantic.
She paused momentarily with testicles resting around her neck and blood trickling down her coat.
Lauretta then turned off the light and carefully returned to the wardrobe.
"Num. Num. Time for tea."
The bedroom door slammed shut.
"Drunken bastard" muttered Edmund's wife, unaware that he was lying dead on the floor with bits missing...
"Oh Edmund, you bugger. Don't touch me there..." whispered Lauretta with venom in the darkness of the wardrobe.
Having consumed many ales in his local, he slightly staggered in the vague direction of home.
Passing the park, he had thoughts of taking the shortcut.
Although this would only take a few minutes off his journey.
But in his inebriated state he couldn't find the entrance gate.
He thought about climbing the railings for a second, then moved onwards down the road.
The rain was becoming heavier now.
Walking towards a bus shelter, Edmund waved to a lone female figure sitting on the bench in the shelter.
The figure waved back.
"No buses at this time of night, love." said Edmund seeing long golden locks under the hood of her coat.
The woman remained silent however.
"Are you alright?" pondered Edmund, yet still no response from the woman.
Gesturing "forget it" Edmund walked on homewards, his house was in view.
Walking in through the front door, he was greeted by his wife.
"What fucking time do you call this, you bastard?"
"Oh fuck off - I'm going to bed."
Edmund walked up the stairs and into the dark master bedroom.
Vague thoughts of masturbation came into his mind, when he heard a groan coming from the direction of the wardrobe.
Opening the wardrobe door he was confronted with a strangely recogniseable figure - it was the woman from the bus stop!
"I've just cum, big boy. Emptied me jewels in your shoe." groaned the woman.
In shock, Edmund stood back.
The fear he felt stopped him from saying anything.
Two seconds later the woman was chuckling with glee, as Edmund limply slumped to the floor.
The woman turned on the light and looked towards the Edmund's body on the floor, next to the bed.
A large kitchen knife protruded from the right eye.
A small pool of blood was forming around the head.
The woman removed her hood.
It was Lauretta!
Lauretta moved quickly to remove Edmund's shoes.
Pulling garden shears out of her coat, she neatly clipped off Edmund's toes.
Placing them in a small bag weaved from pigs bladder and human ligaments, she removed the knife from the eye.
"Now for the balls" chortled Lauretta, cutting through trousers and underwear.
Lopping off Edmunds testicles in a tearing motion she wrapped them around her head with a smile as wide as the Atlantic.
She paused momentarily with testicles resting around her neck and blood trickling down her coat.
Lauretta then turned off the light and carefully returned to the wardrobe.
"Num. Num. Time for tea."
The bedroom door slammed shut.
"Drunken bastard" muttered Edmund's wife, unaware that he was lying dead on the floor with bits missing...
"Oh Edmund, you bugger. Don't touch me there..." whispered Lauretta with venom in the darkness of the wardrobe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
